Tomorrow, we are going to meet another cat. Wingnut mimics your meow every night. He walks around the house, upstairs and down, trying to find you. He never used to meow like this. He sounds so much like you. That HER-ROW meow you used to make? The one that sounded like you were saying “HELLO” really loudly? That one. I know you weren’t overly close once Wingnut had his surgeries, but he loved you and he misses you.
Abbie…well, she’s Abbie. You know she’s always been a little princess who does whatever she wants. She sleeps on the bed now a lot. And she meditates with me. She even started using your big gray bed.
I miss you, buddy. Every single fucking day. And I’m so thankful I had a full year at home with you to give you all the love. I still wish I’d given you more. You were my best friend. My constant companion. John’s too. Wingnut likes to be on the couch with us now right where you used to be—except Wingnut doesn’t put his paws on my ankle like you always did.
We have so much love to give and I knew when we lost you that one day we’d bring another cat into this house. I didn’t know when, but I knew it would happen when it was supposed to. This new guy was hand-picked by the shelter that put you on the Cat Calendar cover and nicknamed you “Mr. Handsome.”
But as happy as I am that we’re (hopefully) going to add to our family tomorrow, it also makes me sad. Because I think you would have loved this guy. And I feel guilty, too. We’re not replacing you. That’s why I hate the question “When are you going to get another cat?” It makes it sound like we’re doing this to replace you.
That couldn’t be further from the truth.
There is NO replacing you. You were unique and special and irreplaceable from the first moment we saw you. Nothing will EVER replace you. That’s why we got your tag image tattooed on our arms. It’s why I wanted a piece of you with me always. Because you were more than just a cat. You were so much more than just a cat. I don’t know if NewCat (that’s what I’m calling him right now because he just has a placeholder name from the shelter and assuming everything goes well tomorrow, we’ll give him a name that fits him like we did for you and Wingnut and Abbie. (Though I still maintain Abbie should have been Princess because of her diva-like qualities.)
I miss you every single day. That will never change. And the first time I tell NewCat that he’s loved, I’ll probably cry a little because I’ll wish I could tell you I love you one more time.
The night after we decided to go meet NewCat, I dreamed that you came back to us. We knew you weren’t here to stay. It was that one last chance for us to tell you we loved you, hold you, hear your incredibly loud purr. But you also told us we should adopt NewCat and gave us your blessing.
Love you, buddy.
Note: NewCat will get his own posts on For Binky—after all, the goal of For Binky isn’t ONLY to remember Binky. It’s to remember the amazing souls we’re lucky enough to have in our lives. And I’m hoping that with NewCat around, it’ll also be easier to talk about Wingnut and Abbie too.
Some days, just opening this blog is too hard because I miss Binky too much. But I want to remember him. Everything about him.